Real couples therapy, one session at a time.
Sit in the therapy room with licensed therapist Julie Menanno as she guides real couples out of the anxious–avoidant cycle and into secure, lasting love.
Using Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and attachment theory, each episode unpacks the negative cycles, old wounds, and communication breakdowns underneath everyday conflict — and shows you exactly how change happens.
What this podcast helps you understand
Every episode is grounded in the same attachment tools we teach across the site. Follow a thread that speaks to your relationship:
Bring your relationship into the room
Are you and your partner open to exploring your relationship with guidance from Julie Menanno while helping others learn through your journey? We're looking for couples for an upcoming season of real-time recorded sessions. Both partners must participate in the application process.
S3 | Session 14: The Burden of the Poker Face: How Hiding Stress Hurts Your Marriage
Hiding stress behind a poker face can feel responsible, but emotional isolation slowly starves a marriage of connection. In this session, Mike admits the pressure he carries alone, and Julie traces his avoidant habit back to a childhood lesson that his feelings were a burden. Rachel shows him that she doesn't need him stress-free, only honest about where he actually is.
S3 | Session 6: When the Fixer Finally Puts Down His Tools
When the fixer finally puts down his tools, something real can happen. Mike looks calm but is drowning in a wave of failure he's never named. This session shows how dropping the urge to fix opens the door to genuine connection.
S3 | Session 5: What Does Your Fear Need?
What happens when anxious pursuit finally collapses into emotional numbing? Rachel has gone quiet, weighed down by the belief that she is 'too much' to love. Julie helps her unpack the grief and ask a new question: what does your fear actually need?
S3 | Session 3: He Probably Wishes He Hadn't Chosen Me
Feeling like you're 'too much' is one of the most painful beliefs an anxious partner can carry. Rachel is exhausted and ready to detach; Mike hits a wall at her sadness. What Julie uncovers about the roots of his avoidance changes everything.
S3 | Session 2: Escaping to the Head When the Heart Gets Scared
Avoidant attachment shows up as escaping to the head the moment emotions run high. Mike explains, rationalizes, and tries to fix—anything to make the feelings stop. Then comes the breakthrough that reframes his entire pattern: 'I leave you because I leave me.'
Season 3 Trailer: I Leave You Because I Leave Me
Season 3 of The Secure Love Podcast opens with an anxious-avoidant relationship dynamic between Rachel and Mike. She's a widow fighting to feel like a priority; he's the steady husband who disappears into his head. What happens when the anxious partner stops fighting and the avoidant one finally admits, 'I leave you because I leave me'?
Session 17: Understanding the Anxious Partner - The Path to Accountability (Pt. 1)
Understanding the anxious partner means seeing the 'very good reasons' behind the hard outer shell. In Part 1, Brian traces his perfectionism to a critical teacher and early abandonment—and takes the first real step toward owning his half of the cycle.
Session 12: The Very Good Reasons Why The Avoidant Partner Avoids
There are very real reasons an avoidant partner pulls away. In this session, Julie Menanno turns the lens to Bethany's experience, exploring a conflict over their sick daughter's daycare pickup where a genuine attempt to help is misread as control—and she's cast as the bad guy.
Session 1: Wifi Passwords & The Corny Suit of Vulnerability
Season 2 opens with a portrait of anxious and avoidant attachment styles in conflict. Julie Menanno meets Bethany and Brian as a fight over a Wi-Fi password exposes Brian's trust issues and Bethany's retreat. Then Brian does something new—he puts on the 'corny suit' of vulnerability.
What the Anxious Partner Needs vs What the Anxious Partner Communicates
Anxious partners often need reassurance but communicate blame, protest, or mixed messages instead. In this session, Julie Menanno helps Melissa untangle her jumbled feelings about Drew's social time and name what she actually needs to feel secure.
Understanding the Anxious Partner
Understanding the anxious partner starts with what happens beneath the surface. When Melissa feels she's 'getting it wrong,' Julie Menanno helps her stop intellectualizing the fear and finally feel it — and shows Drew how to hold that feeling instead of rushing to fix it.
Moving Towards a Positive Cycle & Understanding the Avoidant Partner
Understanding the avoidant partner starts with seeing what’s underneath their calm, keep-it-together exterior. In this episode, Julie Menanno guides Drew to the pressure he’s carried since his teenage years and shows Melissa how that insight unlocks real co-regulation. What happens when “just get it right” finally gives way to being held?
Handling Crisis: The Anxious-Avoidant Clash
Anxious and avoidant partners often collide during a crisis, when one needs validation immediately and the other needs to process later. When a hospital trip leaves Melissa handling the chaos alone, their attachment styles clash hard. Can they still connect while pulling in opposite directions?
Take me Out to the Ballgame: Navigating Attachment Fears and Finding Co-Regulation
When your partner emotionally checks out in public, you can feel completely alone in parenting even with them right there. At a chaotic baseball game, Drew shuts down and Melissa spirals — and Julie Menanno traces it to avoidant shame and anxious protest, guiding them back toward co-regulation. What if your partner’s “checking out” is actually fear, not indifference?