S3 | Session 2: Escaping to the Head When the Heart Gets Scared
Welcome back to the second half of our first session with Rachel and Mike . After Rachel courageously opens up about her deep grief and abandonment fears, the emotional stakes in the room are high . For an Avoidant partner like Mike, this is a terrifying moment . Instead of leaning into the emotion, his natural instinct is to run to the safety of his intellect—over-explaining, rationalizing, and trying to "fix" the problem to make the discomfort stop .
In this episode, we slow everything down to understand the overwhelming physical tension and fear of failure that drives Mike's avoidance . We reach a profound breakthrough as we uncover the truth behind the Avoidant struggle: Mike isn't abandoning Rachel because he doesn't care; he is leaving her because he doesn't know how to stay with himself.
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S3 | Session 2: Escaping to the Head When the Heart Gets Scared
Julie: [00:00:00] Hi everyone, and welcome back to the Secure Love Podcast. I'm your host, Julie Menanno. I'm a couples therapist and author of the book Secure Love. So last week we left Rachel and Mike in an incredibly tender place. So just for context here, we're we're doing an intensive model of therapy. So we're jumping in here today to the second half of the session that we started in the last episode where Rachel was able to open up.
Deep grief and fear of abandonment that drives her reactions in their negative cycles. Those cycles where she senses that Mike hasn't shown up for her. She gets reactive, and that he either just tells her what she wants to hear or tries to convince her with facts and logic, or just pulls away entirely.
And I really wanted to see what happens when Rachel shared with him from a place of deep vulnerability. And as I predicted, Mike showed up with so much love and care, which is great, but the words just aren't enough for [00:01:00] Mike. We have to move him toward more engaged felt sense in the moment. Felt empathy, direct emotional responsiveness, which is going to start with him getting his own inner fears settled to open up his nervous system to really letting her in.
This is the kind of bonding responsiveness that makes couples thrive and when they learn how to do it well, it takes so much less work than navigating all the fights and the work actually feels good at the end, not exhausting. Learning to do. Vulnerability is the kind of work that works itself out of being work at all.
But for an avoidant partner, when their partner shares vulnerably, this is the terrifying moment. The emotions are high, the tears are flowing, and the instinct is to run, not necessarily physically run, but to run into the safety of intellect. To explain, to rationalize, to solve the problem. So the feelings stop.
In this episode, you're going to hear me work with Mike to [00:02:00] help him stay in his body. We're going to uncover why he leaves the emotional room and we get to a breakthrough realization. He isn't leaving Rachel because he doesn't care. He's leaving her because he doesn't know how to stay with himself. And
even if he did.
He wouldn't want to because why would anyone in their right mind want to feel painful feelings on purpose? Well, the best answer to that question is with
another question. What's the alternative? What happens to painful feelings when we don't go there into them and be with them and help them and process them?
Do they just stay conveniently tucked away, never to resurface and never to create problems? Well, no. No they don't. So this is where we move from managing the relationship to actually healing it. Alright, so let's get into this session. And again, I'm going to pick up with Mike where we left off last time when Rachel shared vulnerably and he went into his heady intellectual place.
[00:03:00] All right, well we're back. And so where I wanna go with this is. I wanna understand what happens for you, Mike, when she starts to go to this place, because I'm guessing that there's a part of you that Lean wants to lean in and help and, and feels open, but I'm guessing maybe there's a part of you that gets kind of scared too.
Mike: Yeah, I think that's exactly right.
Julie: I wanna know, you know, kind of first, um. What happens in your, in your body as she's sharing?
Mike: Yeah, I think, I mean, I think it's a sense of, I guess the best way to say it. It's like a sense of relief to hear her heart and just. I understand where she's at. Um, I guess the best way to put it is I have like a lot of, I [00:04:00] do have a lot of compassion for her and just understanding, you know, everything, everything that she's walked through.
Um, and my, you know, that's just one of the things that I, I love about her is she is, you know, just in light of all the life experiences, she, she is. You know, just still a really, really good person and, and I have just a lot of compassion and just, I, like I say, I just really, I'm trying to think how best to say it, but,
Julie: well, it sounds, it sounds like there's empathy and openness and acknowledgement and recognition of her pain, and it makes so much sense to you.
It sounds like all of that is very real.
Mike: Yeah. I think that's. Because I do have a lot of exactly what you said, A lot of empathy for her and just, you know, and I, and I, I think one of the things that [00:05:00] you know is, is tough sometimes for us is just in our relationship, is she, Rachel has walked through so much that, and there's.
It's like previous chapters in our lives that I, I just wasn't present for. And I can only try to put myself in those shoes, but I, I wasn't there. And that's two different things, you know? So it's, it's, I can do my best to try and understand, you know, her, her feelings and emotions, but, you know, not, not being there, it's like a, you know, it's, it's just a, a piece, it's a piece of her heart that I.
Well have never directly experienced, I guess. And
Julie: so it sounds to me like the feelings are there, but you also kind of just don't know what to do with all of this because you weren't .
Mike: Yeah. Very accurate. And that's,
Julie: so lemme ask you, [00:06:00] lemme ask you this, what is it like for you to not know what to do with it?
That must be really hard.
Mike: It is. It's, it's, it's scary and it's, it's hard to, you know, see, see somebody that's, that you love that you know, is, is feeling and experiencing all these things, but you don't really know how to, to show up. It's, and that's my, my natural tendency is, is to avoid it. And, you know, that's, that's.
Ultimately, what always ends up happening is, you know, and I, I will, as Rachel said, like I will try and start conversations when I know we're, you know, there's just things that have come up, you know, knowing full good and well that I, I, I won't know how to, you know, show up for her. And I think ultimately it's like over.
It's like I've recognized it almost causes more damage because it, it leaves [00:07:00] her feeling dropped and, you know, when she shares her heart and I'm just like, I, I drop her. Like, I don't know what to say. I don't, and I think that's the piece that, you know, doing the prior work that I really recognized is. Not, you know, just that inability to, to meet her for where she's at and not go into exactly what I just did a little bit ago to fix it, solve it mode.
Kind of like intellectually like, okay, there's a problem here, let's fix it. And that's what I think Rachel was saying, like, when we have these, these negative cycles, it's like, we'll sit down, we'll have a conversation, I'll, I'll try and like solve it in my own mind, like intellectually. Emotions set aside.
And that's, that's the problem, you know, is there's some, there's some emotional aspect to it, obviously, but it's, it's always, it's always a, a fix it type conversation. And then it's, it's short lived, like things will change for a short period of time, and then it's back into, [00:08:00] you know, business as usual. I think that's, that's the, you know, the kind of the negative cycle that we, we end up in.
But
Julie: yeah.
Mike: I know I'm a little bit off, off kind of topic, so
Julie: lemme lemme try to kind of reign you in here. So, I hear two major strengths in what you're saying. One is the emotions are there as far as the caretaking emotions, the empathy, the compassion, right? And two, you have a really accurate way of making sense of your end of this problem.
You, you're not responsible for the problem. Holy. She's got her stuff too. But you have a really good ma way of making sense of it. You're saying, look, I don't know what to do there. I've learned that my way of, of trying to help her out is to try to go into fix it and intellectualize and all these things, and that's not working.
So I appreciate, that's what I appreciate about you, is that one, [00:09:00] you don't have to wonder if your empathy is there because it's there. And two, you see the problem very clearly, but you haven't figured out yet. And that's why I'm here. That's why we're here doing this work is what to do with all of this in these moments.
So let's try it right now. Okay. I, I wanna know more about your fear, first of all. I wanna know, you know, we have these two parts and neither of them have to define you, but as she's sharing, you have this part that feels the relief and feels the compassion, and feels the empathy. And so I wanna hold that over here and not, not ignore it, but I wanna also talk about the scared part.
How do you know that scared part comes up in your body as she starts talking about her feelings? Just in here or out of here?
Mike: Yeah. I think, and this is something that I think we kind of, you know, maybe, maybe have touched on in our, in our prior work and, and I [00:10:00]
am such a, a person driven, driven by success in getting it right, in knowing that.
And if, if I know I cannot get it right. That is, that's my biggest fear. It's, it's a sense of failure I have.
Julie: Okay. So right now I want you to just close your eyes and I want you to tell me what comes up in your body in moments where you get it right. Where you. You're successful at work or you're successful with Rachel or anywhere in your life where you succeed.
So I want you to tell me what is in your body or what's not in your body. Maybe. So just kind of close your eyes and follow me there.
Mike: Yeah. I think when I get it right, it's just, there's just this, it's, it's just there's a lot of joy, just happiness, and it's. It's fulfilling to know that I'm [00:11:00] making, you know, those around me that love me and depend on me, you know, happy.
And
Julie: where does the joy sit in your body around that?
Mike: I think it's,
I mean, I think, honestly it's in my just heart to know that, you know, that there is just a, a huge sense of. Joy and happiness in, in knowing that
Julie: the knowing is important, but that's what gets you to the body. So if we just stay in the body and know, this is hard, this is very new. You're doing a great job.
But if we just stay in the body, is there like a, an ease, is it like a lack, a lowering of tension, or just thinking about pleasing the people that you care about?
Mike: Yeah, I think there's like, it's a, there's a huge sense of just relief, [00:12:00] you know, in almost like a, like a, a relief valve of stress, right? It's like when you, when you know you've done something right, that you know others will either appreciate or they depend on or whatever.
There's just a sense of fulfillment in that. Just, you know, it may be, it may. It's worth mentioning, I think at this point, just because I know it myself as I'm in my heart such a huge people pleaser, which is another,
Julie: so I wanna, forgive me here, I wanna slow down with you here. Everything you're saying is important, but I just want you to notice, you see, we, we don't get into the emotions.
If we don't, if we don't feel what's going on in your body and we don't get some names to that, and we need to lean into this word fear, but just notice that your body [00:13:00] wants to find safety in your head and making sense of it and explaining the context of why you get into these feelings, that's your go-to, right?
Mike: A hundred percent. Yeah.
Julie: Yeah. So I just wanna sit with that and, and just bring awareness to that. That you never learned to stay with feelings. You just learned to survive by making sense of it and analyzing it and, right.
And I, I want you, I want you to share that with Rachel right now, that I do have a hard time staying in the feelings 'cause I don't know how to, my safe place has been my head.
Mike: Yeah, I think that's, I think it's nothing you don't know, but I think that is, you know, it's been such a, it's why it's so hard for me to, to just see you and, and be able to, you know, sit with [00:14:00] you in the emotions because it's something I've never done really my entire life, and I don't really know how it's, it's always.
It's always in my head how to, how to try and be okay with it in my head when my heart may say something else.
Julie: So how does it feel like, just to kind of slow down and just put words to this one piece of it, just the awareness around staying in your head and sharing that with her?
Mike: Yeah, I think it's, I mean, it feels.
Good. It's, you know, I, I know it's, uh, it's a huge missing link between her and I and it's, it's obviously impacted our marriage, but I think it's, yeah, I think it's, it's, it's absolutely recognizable in my, that it's always my [00:15:00] strong,
strong pool to just thought. Intellectually rather than the emotion. Like it's, it's my way of avoiding the emotions is to try and reason around them.
Julie: It's not on purpose and that's why we're here. And so let me just, I know this isn't entirely new novel information, but I appreciate you slowing down with me and just kind of putting it to words. 'cause that's my job is to help you move out of that and into your emotions. Right. Um, and so let me just check out Rachel, how.
How is this for you to hear him share that with you or just this conversation I'm having with him at all?
Rachel: It's, it feels good. It feels like he's letting me see him and what's actually going on on the inside of him.
Julie: And then what does that [00:16:00] do to your, you know, heart nervous system? Does that open you up? Does that, and, and please be honest, I mean, there might be some fear around this too. For all I know.
Rachel: It's very soothing and calming.
Julie: Anything else?
Rachel: Connecting.
Julie: So I just want you to just say that little bit to him. I'm still gonna stay with him. This is his piece of work, but I just want you to say, you know, when I get to see these glimpses of you, it, it is what I'm eating it, it does open me up.
Rachel: Yeah. When you let me in and really share your heart, not just what's in your head.
It's very connecting and makes me wanna be close to you. And it fills me up.
Julie: All right. So just to kind of organize what we just did is I'm is, I'm over here working with him and I'm [00:17:00] trying to get him into his emotional space because again, that's where the healing is. Mike, you, you go. Right where your comfort zone is, with which is going into your head, explaining it, making sense of it.
And that's beautiful. We have to be able to do that to get through this. Um, so I kind of a few times try to direct you, let's go into your body, let's go into the
fear, and somehow we end up back in your head, right? Because again, this is all very new. And so I just interrupted that and said, Hey, this is what's going on.
This is the cycle, which is meaning that. When you guys get into these conversations where all these emotional needs are happening, and you have them too right now, Mike, um, we're not dealing with the emotions or we're trying to deal with them in ways that aren't working. And then you try to go into these conversations about having dinner with your family and they're never gonna get anywhere because neither of you are feeling safe.
And so [00:18:00] we just had this one little experience. You know, this isn't the end of the road here, but we just had this one little experience where you were able to kind of pause and, and tell Rachel, look, this is what happens for me. I, I do have a, my head is my safe place. It's been my safe place my whole life.
And she was able to see more of you instead of just kind of going off into that explaining place. And, and that opened her up. And so we did have this co regulating experience. That's what we need more of. This is the place where I want you to be able to have these conversations about navigating life together, because this is the starting point.
So.
The cycle in the past would've been probably just continuing to get escalated or shut down 'cause nobody's needs are getting met. And Mike, you're feeling helpless and Rachel, you're feeling dropped. And so I just came in and restructured it in a way that ended up feeling like there's more connection here. [00:19:00]
And that's how we turned a negative cycle into a positive cycle. And again, that, that doesn't mean we're done, but this is the start of it. So lemme just go back into you, Mike, and, and let's, let's keep going with this. Um, I wanna maybe address this one thing here that I'm noticing, which is you are putting, uh, the, the context of kind of some of your emotional blocks into how, how can I help her or I'm not helping her.
I wanna know, what about you? Do you see the value of helping you? Like, let's say you're not even in a relationship with Rachel, you know, let's say she's, do you see the value of doing your own emotions in a new way? Or is it, is it right now just kind of like, how can I show up her for her in the right.
Mike: Initially it, it was, how [00:20:00] do I show up for her? Um, but I think the more I've become aware of my own, uh, we'll call, we'll just call 'em shortcomings for the time being. I mean, I think that's it. It's clear that I want to, I need to show up better for myself so I can show up better for her, it's, it's, I almost see it as
Julie: Notice how.
Notice how that, so I can show up for her comes in so fast.
Mike: Yeah, yeah, yeah. It, I think that's, and that's kind of the piece that I think it's, it's kind of where, how do we say it? I think it's, I've, I've gone, so, you know, like I say, my entire life, I've, I've known nothing different in a sense, you know, is the thing that's different that, you know, is why I need to, um, I [00:21:00] guess I understand what you're saying, but it seems, you know, again, intellectually it's kind of like the order of operations here of just why I feel that way.
But, um, I, I recognize that. Yeah, it's, I dunno if I'm saying it clearly, but
Julie: you are, you are saying it clearly, it's it, there, there is a recognition that's emerging that this might be able to help you as an individual. Right. Your, your brain is still in this place where it's kind of like, and that's because I need to help her.
Because this is so foreign to you. You, you have been kind of fine in life, not doing emotions. I mean, I think there's so much value in something that it's like a chocolate chip cookie. If you've never had one, you don't know how good it can taste. Right. But that doesn't necessarily mean you've been miserable your whole life.
Right,
Mike: right.
Julie: Talk about how these blocks have maybe been showing up as [00:22:00] problems that you didn't make the connections, but still, I mean, what you're telling me is like, yeah, I'm getting to the point where I'm seeing it for myself, but I'm, I'm still, my brain's still trusting this work because it will help me show up for her better.
Mike: Yeah. I'd say that's accurate. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's,
Julie: and so now we need to, let's kind of try to switch it over to you. What are you gonna feel like if you can't show up for her? What is so bad about that? That you're motivated to be here right now because you wanna show up for her?
Mike: Yeah, I think it's, you know, it's really, it's that just, it kind of goes back to that.
You know, kind of sense of failure, I guess, if, if, you know, the marriage, you know, isn't a success, you know, and, and we, we can't figure out how to do this. I think that's, you know, that's my, that's my biggest fear in terms of trying and, and just, you know, [00:23:00] honestly, it's, you know, we've, we've been together for, you know, quite a while now, and the, and the negative cycles don't stop, and it's, you know, just really, really wanting.
Stay out and get outta the negative cycles is, is honestly my, I would say it's probably my, my biggest, you know, driver to figure this out. And
Julie: where did these, where did these cycles leave you feeling? Every time they happen?
Mike: Alone. Alone. And I mean, that's, and it's not, that's one of the things I recognize too, is it's not in a marriage that stays in a US negative cycle is not.
Good marriage. It's, there's just not much joy and happiness. Um, and that's one of the things I recognize and, you know, it's, it's like I mentioned joy and happiness are like, you know, huge, huge things in my life that always striving for, I'm a very much an optimist, I'm a dreamer, I'm all these things [00:24:00] that are always, you know, chasing the ne next best thing I guess you might say.
But there's just, there's a huge piece of my heart that just. Once a happy, healthy marriage and just seeing the patterns of, you know, where we've been. It's, it's been hard to stay there. And that's, you know, one of the things that regional I have said is like, when we're good, we're great, we're awesome, but it's not sustainable.
At least thus far. That's really what we're striving for here.
Julie: Yeah. So, all right, well, let's, let's build up more of that joy, those moments of joy and happiness. I'm so glad that you have that. We know it exists. We know it's possible. And what you're saying to me is, is that in these cycles, it's not just that I don't feel joy or happiness, it's that I actually feel alone and disconnected and bad about myself.
Mike: [00:25:00] Yeah.
Julie: Okay. What comes up is I say that I feel alone and I feel disconnected, and I feel bad about myself.
Mike: Yeah. I think it's
Julie: And when, when I say what comes up, I mean, help me understand what happens in your body. I wanna know emo really on an emotional level. What is that like for you?
Mike: It's always, it's.
High sense of tension, like it's usually in my, it's usually in my chest. It's, it's almost like having a super, super stressful day at work. Just doesn't leave. It's like, you know, it's just a sense of tension that it's a heaviness. It's, it's, it know it's.
Julie: I want you to close your eyes and see if you can feel that, that tension after a bad day of work. It's in your [00:26:00] chest, it's heaviness. I want you to see if you can just kind of hang out there for a minute, just a little bit longer than you're used to.
All right, so what happens when you stay there? Are you noticing that you can keep your focus there, or do you notice that you go, maybe go up into your head?
Mike: I am quickly try and wander to my head.
Julie: Yeah. Okay. Good Awareness.
Mike: How do, how do I, how do I get outta this place?
Julie: Mm-hmm. Okay. So you're, you sense that you wanna just get out and run away from it and escape because it, it hurts too much.
It's very uncomfortable. Yeah.
Mike: Yeah, yeah.
Julie: Okay.
Okay, well we're, you're doing a great job just getting to know this place a little more. This is the place that you're used to just running away from and it gets triggered by her [00:27:00] pain. Right,
Mike: right.
Julie: Yeah. And, and if we gave a, a word to this tension, what might that word be? Is this fear? Mm-hmm. Yeah. You get scared too.
Your fear has different words. It, it gets scared of, of failing and of failing this person that you love and of failing yourself and maybe failing your family and, and being alone and being disconnected and underneath it all, it's all the same thing. Right, because what is that, do you think it would be, it would feel like to just.
Be sitting in a room all alone, she's gone. Not only missing her, but regretting because you didn't get it right. What do you think that would be like?
Mike: Yeah, I mean, it'd be, it'd be very hard. I mean, it's, it [00:28:00] would, you know, I, I know enough about myself as I would, you know, it would, it would be a hard plunge into the avoidant.
Put it that way. Um,
Julie: okay. So what I hear is that it would be so painful that your body would need to avoid just to survive it.
Mike: Yeah, I would, I would do what yeah.
Julie: What you're saying is I get scared when I think when something's coming at me that I don't know if I know how to deal with, and I'm so good at knowing how to deal with things, but when it comes to this emotional stuff, I don't know what to do with it.
I get scared because there's consequences of not knowing what to do with it. The consequence of her not being happy in the moment and the joy and the happiness going away in the moment, and the disconnection and the consequence of maybe her even leaving and being alone and losing it all, and then feeling badly about yourself.[00:29:00]
What you do is you just try to leave it all and go in your head and fix it and problem solve. And you have all these strategies, right?
Mike: Right. Yeah.
Julie: But none of them involve really kind of going into yourself and sitting here and getting to know this place a little bit more. Um, so we can figure out like what your fear is needing.
So you don't have to get scared by her emotions, and so you don't have to run away from your own. This fear is needing something and we can't heal what we can't feel.
Mike: Yeah.
Julie: So I just want you to share that with her right now, which is, I'm so scared too. And the pain, the, the pain, the the pain that my body fears is.
I'm not trying to leave you. I'm, I'm actually just trying to get [00:30:00] out of the most painful place in me.
Mike: Yeah. I think that's just, yeah, I'm really fearful as well, just in a lot of, a lot of different ways and just knowing when we're not in a good spot. It's, it's super hard on me and it's just. Iness in my chest and just all the discomfort is, it's hard for me to be there.
It's hard for me to even just exist in that world, and it's, that's where I just, I avoid it every way I can and try and solve for it without, without just doing everything I can to not stay in that place.
Julie: Right. And I, and I just want you to add something to that, and you're doing a great job. Um, I just want you to say, I leave you because I Leave me.
Mike: Yeah. [00:31:00] I leave you because I leave me.
Julie: And how does it feel for you, just, you know, to kind of put some words to this, does it make you feel more scared? Does it make you feel calmer?
Like, just help me understand.
Mike: Yeah, I mean, I think, I think there's a sense of, almost a sense of just, I guess, calmness or relief, just, just sharing what's actually happening with me. So Rachel knows that, you know, I'm, it's not intentional. It's, it's really just an uncomfortable spot for me to be in that place, and it's.
I think you know, her, her knowing that is, you know, it's, it's a spot where I guess it just, I hope it explains a lot and just helps understand.
Julie: Yeah, you're, I was gonna say, you're explaining it beautifully [00:32:00] and what we're really finding out is that you guys are both in the same place. It's just coping mechanisms are different.
And, um, I'm glad that what you're experiencing right now isn't that emotions are really just so bad and you'll get stuck there and while whatever, it'll talk more about maybe what your fears are about feeling if you have them. But what you're finding is that there is actually some value and being able to just put some words to this and one of the part of that value is.
How it's helping you as a person and another part of that value is probably how it's helping Rachel. And then you get to be seen and, and she gets to see more of you. And on that note, you know, Rachel, how, where is your heart right now?
Rachel: It helps open my heart to be more understanding.
Julie: Mm-hmm.
Rachel: And it draws me [00:33:00] in instead of us both leaving ourselves and leaving each other.
Feels good.
Julie: Yeah. Does it help your body feel safe?
Rachel: Yes.
Julie: Okay. So I want you to share that with him is, is you are helping me feel safe right now. So he, he knows there's some, there's success here.
Rachel: Yeah. By you sharing your heart and what's really going on, it helps me feel safe.
Julie: So, so again, you know, we could have had that cycle where.
We kind of just go into lots of words and explaining, and, and both of you would go there. You would try to, you know, as he tries to explain himself, then Rachel, you would go in and try to explain yourself, right? And you both are
really trying to reach each other emotionally, but you're, you haven't been super in touch with what's going on and able to share.
And if you, even if you were able to share, the fears get triggered and we can't hold each other there. [00:34:00] And. So what I did is I just came in and helped you guys get into the emotion and bond with it and help each other out and help yourselves out. So you did it. You did the work. You did a great job. I think we should stop there.
Alright, well let's take a moment to reflect on today's session specifically. I wanna highlight that breakthrough phrase Mike used. I leave you because I leave me. That is the essence of the avoidance struggle. It's not malice. It's not that they don't have feelings or they don't love their partner, it's that they've learned to survive by disconnecting from their own internal world.
If Mike can't feel his own heart, he certainly can't hold Rachel's. But did you hear what happened when he admitted that? When he finally stopped trying to be the perfect, successful husband and just admitted, I'm scared too, Rachel Soften. She said it [00:35:00] made her feel safe. The danger left the room. We move from a negative cycle where Rachel Pursues and Mike withdraws into a co-regulating cycle.
Rachel shared her pain without attacking, and Mike shared his fear without defending, and that is the new pattern that we're trying to build here. So this week's homework has two levels, so take what fits. If you want something simple, you can just try right now. You know, especially if you identify with the avoidance style or the fixer role, start by just noticing where you go When your partner gets emotional, do you go into your head?
Do you start planning what to say? Do you start listing facts or solutions? If you catch yourself, try aiming it out loud. You can say, you know, I'm noticing that I wanna fix this because I'm scared, but I'm going to try to stay here with you instead. And just see what happens when you name the fear rather than acting it out.
If you wanna go even deeper, I've put more structured homework on my [00:36:00] website@thesecurerelationship.com, including prompts to help you slow this moment down and really understand what's happening internally and practice emotional engagement in a way that actually feels doable. So as always, we'd love to hear from you.
Send us a voice note or email to support@thesecurerelationship.com. And of course, if you're benefiting from this work, help me get the word out. You can go on to Apple or Spotify and leave us a five star review. Well, that wraps it up for now. So thank you to Mike and Rachel for their vulnerability. Thank you all for being here.
We'll see you next week, and until then, take care of yourself and your relationships.
If you feel sensitive in relationships, scan for signs of disconnection, or spiral into protest and panic when you don’t feel close, this course is your starting point for healing. In this self-paced course, Julie Menanno guides you through the deeper emotional work required to stop self-abandoning and start showing up for your own needs, so connection can feel safe again. You’ll learn how anxious attachment develops, how it shows up in adult relationships, and how to build secure self-support,
