Session 5: I Didn't Get Married to Throw it All Away

Season 2Intimacy
Written By Julie Menanno MA, LMFT, LCPC

In this episode

This week turns to Bethany's side of the story—the cost of being left in silence when Brian threatens to leave. Julie Menanno explores the confusion and anxiety that begin the moment he withdraws, and how being blamed triggers Bethany's deepest fears of failure and abandonment. The episode reveals the shift that happens when pain is shared from pure vulnerability: by giving voice to her sadness, Bethany bypasses Brian's defenses and activates his empathy for the first time.

Key takeaways

  • Being left in silence triggers a cycle of confusion and anxiety for the partner who stays.
  • Bethany feels punished for a crime she doesn't understand, cast as the 'bad guy.'
  • Withdrawal activates her deepest fears of failure and abandonment.
  • Sharing pain from pure vulnerability can bypass a partner's defenses.
  • Giving voice to sadness activated Brian's empathy—building bridges where frustration built walls.

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Hand-picked for this episode: Intimacy

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Julie Menanno MA, LMFT, LCPC

Julie Menanno, MA is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor, and Relationship Coach. Julie operates a clinical therapy practice in Bozeman, Montana, and leads a global relationship coaching practice with a team of trained coaches. She is an expert in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for Couples and specializes in attachment issues within relationships.

Julie is the author of the best-selling book Secure Love, published by Simon and Schuster in January 2024. She provides relationship insights to over 1.3 million Instagram followers and hosts The Secure Love Podcast, where she shares real-time couples coaching sessions to help listeners navigate relational challenges. Julie also hosts a bi-weekly discussion group on relationship and self-help topics. A sought-after public speaker and podcast guest, Julie is dedicated to helping individuals and couples foster secure, fulfilling relationships.

Julie lives in Bozeman, Montana, with her husband of 25 years, their six children, and their beloved dog. In her free time, she enjoys hiking, skiing, Pilates, reading psychology books, and studying Italian.

https://www.thesecurerelationship.com/
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Session 6: Can a Relationship Ever Really Be 50-50?
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Session 4: Why Does Leaving Feel Better Than Staying?