Attachment Based Relationship Tips

Looking to strengthen your relationship? Our blog offers expert relationship tips rooted in attachment theory and Emotionally Focused Therapy. Learn how to identify your attachment style, communicate more effectively, and foster emotional safety with your partner. From overcoming conflict to building deeper trust, our practical advice and tools, created by couples therapist Julie Menanno, are designed to help you move toward a secure and fulfilling connection. Dive in and start transforming your relationships today!

Julie Menanno MA, LMFT, LCPC Julie Menanno MA, LMFT, LCPC

Understanding Disorganized Attachment

Disorganized attachment is what happens when your nervous system wants closeness and fears it at the same time. This guide explains the signs of disorganized attachment in relationships, why it develops, and the practical steps that help you move toward security.

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VIDEOS

VIDEOS

Featured
Episode #85: Identity Loss In Relationships
Level 3: Advanced
Episode #85: Identity Loss In Relationships
Level 3: Advanced

In this week’s group, I dove into identity loss in relationships and how we can slowly disappear in the service of “keeping the connection safe.” If you have ever felt like you’ve become a quieter version of yourself, edited your needs, or organized your whole life around keeping the relationship stable, this session will land.

We talked about how shame and early attachment learning can wire the nervous system to prioritize safety over authenticity, and why that strategy can feel protective in the short term but quietly blocks the closeness you are actually longing for. You will also hear how identity loss fuels hypervigilance, anxiety, and negative cycles, even when your partner is not asking you to shrink.

A portion of the meeting focused on the difference between denying your needs to keep the peace versus owning your needs while recognizing a partner may not be able to meet them.

Level 3: Advanced
Episode #84: Integration: Splitting Vs. “Holding Multiple Experiences”
Level 3: Advanced
Episode #84: Integration: Splitting Vs. “Holding Multiple Experiences”
Level 3: Advanced

Integration is the ability to hold multiple truths at once, like feeling angry and still caring, without flipping into black-and-white thinking. This preview shares key insights from Julie’s group on how splitting shows up in relationships and how to practice “both/and” responses that create emotional safety.

In this week’s group, Julie dives into integration: the ability to hold multiple experiences at once instead of flipping into splitting (black-and-white thinking, all anger or all empathy, all “they’re bad” or all “they’re good”). She explains how splitting often happens outside of conscious awareness as a nervous system safety strategy, especially when you feel threatened, overwhelmed, blamed, or emotionally flooded.

Julie breaks down what integration looks like in real life: feeling mad at someone and still caring about them, noticing red flags and acknowledging someone’s pain, or seeing several perspectives while still making a grounded decision. She also connects integration to attachment patterns and negative cycles, showing how a lack of integration can create rigidity punctuated by blowups, or chaotic swings in mood and meaning.

If you’ve ever felt emotional whiplash, gotten stuck in “I’m right, you’re wrong,” or struggled to validate someone without losing yourself, this session will help you slow down, regulate, and find the “both/and” that creates more stability and connection.

Level 3: Advanced
Episode #83: Self-Love Through an Attachment Lens
Level 1: Foundational
Episode #83: Self-Love Through an Attachment Lens
Level 1: Foundational

In this week’s group, I talked about what self-love actually means through an attachment lens. Not confidence or positivity, but the ability to stay with yourself when emotions become uncomfortable. As you watch the recording, you’ll hear how self-abandonment and self-protection develop, how they tend to show up differently for anxious and avoidant attachment, and why both are rooted in the same need for safety. I walk you through practical ways to notice when you move away from your feelings, identify the fear underneath, and respond with care instead of criticism. We also work with shame and the inner critic as protective responses rather than problems to eliminate. If you struggle to stay connected to yourself when you’re triggered or rely on your partner to regulate what feels overwhelming inside, this session will help you build emotional safety from the inside out.

Level 1: Foundational
Episode #82: Emotional Safety vs. Agreement
Level 2: Intermediate
Episode #82: Emotional Safety vs. Agreement
Level 2: Intermediate

Most couples believe that if they could just get on the same page, their conflicts would finally settle down. The problem is that agreement alone does not guarantee connection. You can agree and still feel unseen. You can disagree and stay deeply bonded.

In this meeting, Emotional Safety vs. Agreement, we will look at conflict through an emotional safety lens. We will explore what emotional safety actually feels like, what happens in the nervous system when safety drops, and how negative cycles begin when you and your partner stop feeling safe with each other.

You will learn:

  • The difference between emotional safety and agreement

  • How your nervous system reacts during conflict

  • How to recognize when safety has dropped between you

  • Emotional safety scripts you can use in real time

  • What to say less of and what to say more of when you want connection

  • How to repair after a moment where safety went missing

Thank you for doing this work with me and for your courage in looking at your patterns with honesty and compassion.

Level 2: Intermediate