In Chapter 9 of Secure Love, we explore attachment injuries—what they are, how they form, and what it takes to repair them. These moments of relational pain shape our protective strategies, but they also offer an opportunity for deeper connection if we’re willing to stay emotionally engaged.

Repairing after a negative cycle is one of the most powerful skills in a relationship. In Chapter Eight of the Secure Love Book Club, Julie Menanno guides readers through the process of emotional repair—what it looks like, why it’s hard, and how to make it meaningful.

Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) helps partners break negative cycles and build secure bonds using the science of attachment. Learn how EFT works and why it’s so effective.

Reaching and responding are the smallest, most powerful moves in a relationship—and the ones most likely to be misunderstood. Chapter 7 helps you spot the reach, respond with intention, and change the entire trajectory of a moment.

Learn how to turn everyday interactions into an “attachment-friendly” environment, swap reflexive fight-or-flight reactions for healthy connection, and use Julie’s E-V-I-C-T framework to keep shame (and negative cycles) out of your relationship.

Julie Menanno pinpoints the hidden trio—unmet needs, fear, and negative cycles—that keep partners spinning in place, and shares the first tiny moves that push a relationship forward again.

Anxious partners over-sacrifice. Avoidant partners resist change. Secure partners give for the greater good. Learn how attachment shapes relationship sacrifices.

A secure relationship doesn’t feel like constant bliss. It feels safe. Valued. Trusted. Seen. This post explains what secure attachment really looks and feels like.

Setting boundaries in a loving relationship doesn’t mean shutting your partner out. It means protecting emotional safety while staying committed to connection.

Trying to control your environment—like keeping a spotless house—can sometimes be a way to manage inner anxiety caused by relationship disconnection. But when that strategy backfires, it can create more of the very disconnection you’re trying to avoid. This post explores how personal anxiety shows up in relationships, and how couples can break the cycle.

In emotionally stuck relationships, your partner isn’t the enemy. The negative cycle is. Learn how to identify the cycle, understand each other’s roles, and begin the process of healing.

Secure relationships are built on mutual respect and emotional safety. These examples of attachment-friendly boundaries show how to protect connection while still speaking your truth.

Emotional presence is the ability to join someone in their feelings without losing yourself in the process. When practiced consistently, it deepens connection and builds trust.

When your partner is upset, they don’t always need a solution. Sometimes, what they need most is to know you’re with them in it. That’s emotional attunement—and it can change everything.

If you’re not showing up, there’s none of you to connect with. Authenticity is the foundation of emotional availability—and it's something you can learn.

Emotional validation isn’t about agreeing with your partner—it’s about showing them that their feelings matter. And when it comes to emotional availability, few things are more powerful.

Tough conversations can easily spiral into disconnection when couples fall into the negative cycle. But it doesn’t have to go that way. These tips can help you communicate better, create emotional safety, and stay connected even when things get hard.

Vulnerability is the foundation of connection—and without it, relationships stay surface-level. But when you've learned to hide, overshare, or shut down, it can feel impossible to get it right. Here’s how to begin.

The real enemy in your relationship isn’t your partner—it’s the negative cycle you both get caught in. When you understand how it works, you can work together to step out of it and reconnect.

It may look like the avoidant partner doesn’t care, but in reality, they’re overwhelmed. When conflict escalates, their instinct is to shut down—not to hurt their partner, but to protect themselves.