How to Recognize Your Attachment Style in Everyday Reactions
How Your Past Shapes Your Present Relationship Patterns
Sometimes we don't realize how much our early experiences shape the way we show up in relationships—until we're triggered, confused, or stuck in repeated patterns.
These common relationship experiences can be strong indicators of an underlying attachment style:
Feeling panicky when conflict isn’t resolved right away
→ This is associated with Anxious Attachment in your relationship.
Growing up thinking your emotions were “too much” for the people you relied on for support
→ This is associated with Anxious Attachment in your relationship.
Growing up thinking anger was a shameful and “out of control” emotion
→ This is associated with Avoidant Attachment in your relationship.
Growing up in a home where emotions were not talked about
→ This is associated with Avoidant Attachment in your relationship.
Escaping with hobbies, work, or other distractions when your relationship isn’t going well
→ This is associated with Avoidant Attachment in your relationship.
Feeling like your partner keeps raising the bar, and you’ll never get it right
→ This is associated with Avoidant Attachment in your relationship.
Alternating between fighting for your needs, but not always trusting you deserve for them to be met
→ This is associated with Anxious Attachment in your relationship.
Making empty threats to leave the relationship when upset, but without follow through
→ This is associated with Anxious Attachment in your relationship.
Recognizing these patterns can be the first step toward healing and creating a more secure bond. Your attachment style doesn’t define you—it simply gives you a starting point to better understand yourself and your relationship dynamics.
Related Resources
Attachment 101 Course – Learn how your attachment style developed and how it impacts your relationships today
Attachment Style Quiz – Unsure of your attachment style? Take the quiz to find out and begin your journey toward security
Relationship Coaching – Get support identifying and transforming attachment patterns in a supportive, nonjudgmental space
Julie’s Bi-Weekly Group – Join live conversations focused on attachment and emotional resilience with Julie and others doing the work
“Your attachment style doesn’t define you—it helps you understand the emotional patterns keeping you stuck.”
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The emotional patterns you repeat in your relationship often stem from your attachment style. This post outlines common signs of anxious or avoidant attachment.