What is a highly escalated conversation?

It's a conversation where your emotional activation gets so high that you lose the flexibility you normally have. You interrupt, defend, repeat yourself, or shut down. It isn't always loud. The defining feature is that the conversation starts running you instead of you running it.

Do we have to fight all the time for this to help?

No. Some couples escalate about almost anything. Many others do well until one topic comes up. The course is built for both, and for any couple who knows certain conversations need more structure.

How long does the course take?

The videos run just over 2.5 hours across 51 short lessons. The six exercises take additional time, and they work best spread out. A chapter a week is a comfortable pace.

Do I have to take it with my partner?

No. Julie speaks to people doing it alone and to couples doing it together. The exercises have you answer separately first either way. The practice conversations in Chapters 3 to 5 do need both of you.

Can we both watch on one login?

Yes. One purchase covers two people watching together.

How is this different from the Negative Cycle Workshop Series?

The Negative Cycle series helps you see and understand the pattern you get pulled into. This course gives you the step-by-step structure for the next hard conversation, with a script for each role. They work well together, and you don't need one to take the other.

Do I need to know attachment theory first?

No. Julie explains everything in plain language and there is no required reading.

No. This is education, not treatment. It is not a substitute for working with a licensed professional.

What if conflict in our relationship feels unsafe?

This course is for couples who get stuck in painful conversations. It is not designed for relationships where there is violence or where one partner is afraid of the other. If that is your situation, please reach out to a licensed professional or a local support service.

How long do I have access?

For good. There is no expiry date.

Do I get the worksheets?

Yes. All six exercise PDFs are included and can be printed.

$149 one time, or two payments of $79. Secure Love Club members save 25 percent.

Progress

Highly Escalated Conversations

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Before You Begin: A Note from Julie

Chapter 1: Why the Same Fight Keeps Taking Over

8 Lessons

Is This Course for You? What "Highly Escalated" Really Means

Why You Both Fight to Be Understood and Nobody Gets Heard

Why You Can't Use the Skills You Already Have

How Structure Calms a Heated Conversation

You Won't Need the Structure Forever

Which Conversations Need Structure

Before Exercise 1: Learning to Spot Your Activation

Exercise 1: Know What Happens to You When You Get Activated

Chapter 2: The Three Conversations: Connection, Repair, Solution

9 Lessons

What Conversation Are We Actually Having?

Connection, Repair, Solution: What Each One Is For

Reflection: Which Conversation Were You Trying to Have?

Connection Comes First

When You Need a Repair Conversation

When You're Ready for a Solution Conversation

Your Conversation Map

A Quick Note Before the Exercise

Exercise 2: Map One of Your Difficult Conversations

Chapter 3: The Connection Conversation: Feeling Understood Before Anything Else

7 Lessons

The Sharer and the Receiver

Validation: "It Makes Sense That You Feel That Way"

Reassurance: Helping Your Partner Feel Less Alone

The Sharer's Job: From Complaint to What's Happening Inside You

The Receiver's Job: Staying Curious When You Disagree

Switching Roles: Making Room for Two Experiences

Exercise 3: The Full Connection Conversation

Chapter 4: The Repair Conversation: Healing What Still Hurts

8 Lessons

When Something Between You Needs Repair

The Hurt Partner's Job: Sharing the Impact

The Repairing Partner's Job: Impact Before Intention

Taking Responsibility Without Sinking Into Shame

Why "I'm Sorry" Isn't the Whole Repair

When an Apology Doesn't Land

Rebuilding Trust: Reassurance and Changed Behavior

Exercise 4: The Full Repair Conversation

Chapter 5: The Solution Conversation: Solving the Problem as a Team

9 Lessons

Are You Ready to Solve the Problem?

Define the One Problem You're Solving

What Matters to Each of You, and Why

Take Turns Before You Negotiate

How This Differs From the Connection Conversation

What's Essential and Where You Can Bend

Building the Solution Together

Treat the Solution as an Experiment

Exercise 5: The Full Solution Conversation

Chapter 6: When It Gets Too Heated: How to Pause and Come Back

5 Lessons

Knowing When to Stop Talking

How to Call a Pause Without Abandoning Your Partner

What to Do During the Break

How to Come Back to the Conversation

Exercise 6: Create Your Pause-and-Return Plan

Chapter 7: Putting It All Together: One Couple, Start to Finish

6 Lessons

Meet Sarah and Michael: The Chores Fight

Their Connection Conversation

Their Repair Conversation

Their Solution Conversation

What to Do the Next Time You Get Escalated

Keep Going: What Comes After This Course

Highly Escalated Conversations

Complete & Continue Next Lesson Learn More

Chapter 1: Why the Same Fight Keeps Taking Over

Is This Course for You? What "Highly Escalated" Really Means

Complete & Continue Next Lesson Learn More

About this lesson

You don't have to fight all the time to belong here. Maybe almost anything can turn into a fight, or maybe you do well until one topic comes up.... money, chores, parenting, in-laws, something from the past. Julie explains what escalation really is, why it can look quiet and shut down as easily as loud, and how to tell when a conversation has started running the two of you.