30 Things to Say When You Don’t Know What to Say

Scripts for the moments that usually go sideways, written by therapist Julie Menanno, author of the bestseller Secure Love.

  • 30 word for word scripts for the moments couples get stuck in, from repair to in laws to sex.

  • Each one shows what is going on underneath, what usually comes out instead, and what to say.

  • Six parts and 21 pages, free, in your inbox in about a minute.

Cover of 30 Things to Say When You Don't Know What to Say, a free relationship scripts guide by therapist Julie Menanno
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Most people don’t need more insight. They need words.

You already know the fight is going badly. You can feel it in your chest before it is happening in the room. What you don’t have, right then, is a sentence. That’s not a character flaw. Most of us were never given the words.

You can’t hand someone a language they were never taught, and then be surprised by the accent.

What is inside

Six parts, thirty scripts

Organized by the moment you are in, so you can find the words while you still need them. Every script shows what is going on underneath, what tends to come out instead, and what to say.

Part One · 6 scripts

Repair

For after it already went badly

The morning after a bad fight. The apology without the but. Coming back after you shut down, or after you blew up. Asking for repair when your partner already thinks it is over.

Part Two · 4 scripts

Pausing a Fight

For before it wrecks the whole night

Calling a time out that does not land as abandonment, and coming back from it. What to do when your partner walks away and you want to follow. Naming the cycle out loud in the middle of it.

Part Three · 6 scripts

Reaching

For saying the vulnerable thing

Asking for reassurance without apologizing for needing it. Saying you are lonely inside the relationship. Telling them something is wrong when you are not sure what yet. Asking for more without it landing as a complaint.

Part Four · 4 scripts

Responding

For when they are the one reaching

What to say when your partner is upset and you feel defensive. Answering a hard question without shutting down. Offering reassurance that actually lands. Staying in it when you want to fix it and move on.

Part Five · 5 scripts

Limits

For saying no and meaning it

Saying no without a paragraph of justification. Naming what you will not do anymore. Holding a limit when the other person is upset about it. Asking for something to change, plainly.

Part Six · 5 scripts

The Hardest Ones

For the conversations you keep putting off

Bringing up money, sex, or their family without it turning into a fight. Saying the thing you have been carrying for months. Telling them you are struggling in this relationship, out loud.

Read one first

Here is number seven, in full

Every script in the guide is written exactly like this one. Nothing is held back for a paid version.

07

Calling a time out that does not feel like abandonment

Underneath

The break is the most useful tool in a fight and the most dangerous one. Taken without a return time, it does not land as a break. It lands as abandonment, and now you have two problems instead of one. Frame it as protecting the relationship from a fight, not protecting yourself from your partner.

Instead of

Walking out. Or, “I am done with this conversation.”

Try

“I am really angry, and I have the urge to start defending myself and saying mean things. I do not want to do that to us anymore. I want to take a break to cool off, because you and this relationship are too important to me to keep going like this. How about we come back to it at eight? I want to protect us from a fight.”

Twenty nine more like it, waiting in your inbox.

Who wrote this

Written by Julie Menanno

Julie Menanno is a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT, LCPC) and the author of the Simon & Schuster book Secure Love. Her work is grounded in attachment theory and Emotionally Focused Therapy, the same frameworks she uses with couples every day.

Every script in this guide is one she uses with real couples.

Julie Menanno, licensed marriage and family therapist and author of Secure Love

  • Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor (LCPC)

  • Author of Secure Love, published by Simon & Schuster

  • Trained in Emotionally Focused Therapy, the framework behind every script

  • Founder of The Secure Relationship and its team of attachment coaches

Before you sign up

A few questions

  • Yes. All twenty one pages and all thirty scripts, with no payment and no trial. It is the same language Julie uses with couples in session.

  • The guide lands in your inbox within a minute. You also join the newsletter, which is where Julie sends new scripts, podcast episodes and anything else we make.

  • No. A few emails a month, and every one of them has an unsubscribe link at the bottom.

  • No. The scripts work on their own. If you want the context, the free attachment style quiz takes about three minutes and tells you which pattern you lean toward.

  • Yes. Every script is something one person can say. You are not waiting on your partner to read anything first.

Free guide

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30 Things to Say When You Don’t Know What to Say, sent straight to your inbox. Free, from a licensed couples therapist.